We met at Patong TJ Hotel. I met my love on a dating app and we planned to meet that night around 12 a.m., midnight. I went to meet my love at TJ Patong Hotel, and after that, we met again in the evening. We walked together. At that time, I was very happy with my love.
We met each other whenever we had the chance. I never thought he would ask me to be his boyfriend but he did, and I said yes immediately. I never thought I would have a boyfriend or girlfriend before. At that time, I didn’t love him that much yet. I was just impressed with him. Day by day, he made me love him more and more. I was very, very happy with him.
I had never believed in love before, but after I met him, everything changed. He changed me so much. I did things I never did before. He brought me out of my comfort zone. We explored new things together. We traveled together.
I liked many things about him. He always took care of me, gave me advice, and he was a very good person. He always saved little bags from everywhere he visited.
But there were things I didn’t like about him. He used to say, “I don’t lie to you,” but I always ended up finding out the truth on my own. I never really knew what he thought or felt. I didn’t know what he did behind my back. He didn’t listen to my suggestions. But I accepted all of that about him.
We both made mistakes. Even after we became boyfriends, he continued using dating apps. I had already deleted mine and showed him. I didn’t ask him to delete his I wanted him to do everything with his own intentions. Later, he deleted the app, but not the account. I deleted mine completely. At that time, I trusted him 100%, but I wasn’t sure about him.
One or two weeks later, I noticed he was acting strange. So, I downloaded the app again to check, and I found that he was still using it. I don’t know if he met anyone or not. I asked him why, but I can’t remember what he said. I cried about it with him. Later, we talked and things got better. He deleted the account too.
But I also did bad things. I met other people after that, many times. Eventually, I felt sorry and told him everything. He was quiet for a while, and I apologized, promising I wouldn’t do it again. After that, he didn’t trust me much anymore, but I tried to earn his trust back. It was hard. I understood—what I did was very bad. But I truly felt sorry.
We both had flaws. But I accepted everything about him. I really loved him, even though he often hurt me. I tried to change myself to live with him. Everything was going okay after that.
Even though he hurt me, I loved him and I was willing to change to be with him.
All of this happened while I was still living with my family. But one month before we broke up, I decided to move in with him. We were very happy living together, and everything was going well.
But I changed after we started living together. Usually, when I move to a new place, I stay in my comfort zone for a long time. I’m introverted, and I don’t explore new places right away. I stayed in the room almost all the time. I went out only seven times with him because he invited me. He wanted to go for walks, to the beach, to the market. I always refused, not because I didn’t want to go, but because of my personality. It’s hard to explain that feeling.
I told him about it. He seemed to understand, but I don’t know if he truly did. I didn’t think this was the reason we broke up.
Two days before we broke up, I was recording his class. (He’s a tutor and teaches people in his country.) I don’t understand his language, but I noticed he was acting strangely with one student the same student he used to call “crazy.” I didn’t think it was a problem, but I tried to translate what they were saying. What I heard, I shouldn’t have. I thought they were teasing each others, which a tutor shouldn’t do. I wasn’t 100% sure the translation was correct, but I believed at least 50% of it was.
I asked him about it. He looked a little surprised and denied it. I told him, “I saw what I saw,” using the same words he used with me once. After we talked, I understood him.
But the next day, he had class with the same students again, and I wanted to know what they were saying. I recorded the class again. I told him I was recording, but he said, “You can’t do that. Stop recording my classes.” I said no. But after five minutes, I felt sorry and deleted everything.
Earlier that day, I made seaweed soup for him. After his class, I said, “The soup was really nice. Would you like to try?” But he just said, “I told you not to record my classes.” I said, “I just wanted to know what you were talking about,” and I apologized.
After that, he didn’t talk to me anymore. I didn’t start a conversation either. I was afraid. I really wanted to talk to him but I couldn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough, or maybe it was my ego. But I expected him to talk to me first, like he always did.
That evening, I told him, “Tomorrow I will go home.” Usually when I say that, he asks me to stay or talk. But this time, he said, “Okay. I will give you money for the trip.” I was shocked inside. I said, “No problem, I can pay by myself.” But what I really wanted was just to talk with him. I don’t know why I didn’t ask him to talk. I ended up doing what I said. I didn’t want to go but I did. Maybe it was ego, or maybe confusion.
Instead of going home, I went to Bangkok. I didn’t plan this I just needed to think. I booked a hotel, hoping he would call and ask me to come back. But he didn’t.
At the hotel, I realized I made the wrong decision. I messaged him and asked to come back. But he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I sent him many messages. He said, “You should go to your family.” But I still kept asking, “Can I come back to you, babe? I love you.”
He didn’t answer.
That night, I cried so much. I cried all night. In the morning, I messaged him again. He said again, “You should go to your family first.” I thought the word “first” meant he would want me back later, after I saw my family. So I said, “Okay. I’ll go buy a bus ticket.”
I checked out of the hotel and went to the bus station early around 10 a.m. But the earliest bus to Phuket was at 4:30 p.m. I waited there for 7 hours. I was cold, sad, and completely alone. That moment was one of the hardest in my life.
For a week, I couldn’t eat. My whole body hurt. I couldn’t speak. I kept trying to ask him for another chance. I loved him so much. I missed him so much. I never imagined this day would come. I never knew how much I loved or missed him until it was too late.
I watched his social media every day. I kept messaging him. He still replied, but whenever I asked to talk, he said he was busy but I knew he wasn’t. I wanted to know if he had found someone new. I downloaded the dating app again. I found him on there.
My heart broke again.
I created a fake profile to see what he was doing. I still believed he wouldn’t do anything. I thought maybe he was just stressed and needed someone to talk to. But just 10 minutes after creating the profile, he messaged me. He said we were neighbors. I said yes. He asked what I was looking for. I said friendship and a relationship. He said, “I’m single.”
Those words broke my heart deeply.
I asked if I could see his private pictures. He said he wouldn’t show in photos, but he would show in a video. He asked to exchange LINE IDs. I said, “Let’s video call here.” He called. I saw him, but I didn’t turn on my camera. I knew he would show everything if it wasn’t me but I didn’t want to see that anymore, so I hung up.
He messaged me later on WhatsApp, thinking I was someone else. I didn’t tell him it was me but I had done that many times before, and each time I told him the truth later. I did crazy things every day. I still believed he would come back. I watched his social media and texted, “I miss you. I love you. Can you give me a chance?” But he always stayed silent.
I tried to stop messaging him but I couldn’t. Even for just one day, I couldn’t stop. It was like that for almost a month.
But today, I decided to stop watching his social media. To stop messaging him.
I respect his decision.
If you love someone, you have to respect their decision.
I still feel the same. I still think about him. But I have to be stronger and believe in myself. I read on the internet, “If you love someone, let them go. Respect their decision.” Today, I believe I’m doing the right thing.
I’ve learned a lot. If I fall in love again, I will do better than before because I’ve grown through this pain. I’ve learned so much.
Thank you for everything. I want you to do what brings you happiness. I wish you the best in everything.